A Very Merry Christmas
by Jumi
Summary: Vegeta goes on a rampage at a local mall! Ah, merriment and destruction around the holidays... ho ho ho whee!


A Very Merry Christmas

A Very Merry Christmas   
by   
Robert Silvers

They were all around him. People. Swarming, like locusts. Purchasing gifts for their loved ones. He didn't want to be here. He'd rather be at home training. Or off fighting some alien menace. Anything was better than here. He, Vegeta, Prince of the Saiya-jin, buying gifts? The idea seemed ludicrous to him. 

"Kuso!" he thought to himself as he passed by a store where eager parents snatched up little stuffed rat-looking creatures with rosy red cheeks. On the window was the sign, "Catch them all... HERE!" "How foolish," he pondered. "Why does she always want me to do things like this? Apparently saving the world isn't enough. I have to shop too. This is ridiculous. I should leave right now." 

He passed by someone ringing a bell. "Spare some change, sir?" came the request. 

"Hmph," he smirked and turned his head as he walked past. He hated it. Every minute of it. He hated dealing with the clerks, having to push through the crowds, waiting to get gifts wrapped. He hated it all. He wanted to go home. 

He looked at the bag in his hand and the list in his other hand. Just one more thing to go. A "Polly Prissy-Pants" doll for Bra. "Kuso," he thought again. He hated shopping in the little girls section. The store attendants always shot him the weirdest looks. Not that he really minded that, because he knew none of them had the guts to say anything. Most people recognized him from various newscasts and went out of their way to avoid him and not piss him off. Still, it just seemed... wrong, to him, that a mighty and noble Saiya-jin prince was shopping for gifts for a little girl. 

He stepped into the toy store. It was flooded with parents. It was only natural, six days before Christmas. Some people always waited until the last minute. He was no different. And after his last experience with the mail, he didn't care to trust the post office with his gifts anymore. 

He walked through the aisles, shoving people aside as they got in his way. Usually it was just small children, so he had no trouble. Sometimes it only took a glare to frighten them away. He was used to that. He noticed a lot of Trunks' and Bra's little school-friends only came over to visit once. He considered flying through the aisles, but decided against it. The last thing he wanted was to make a scene, and have all these people staring at him. 

Ah, there it was. He grabbed the doll off of the shelf as quickly as he could. A little girl had also grabbed it, and got out the first three letters of "Mine!" before she caught Vegeta's frown and ran off crying to her mother. "Silly humans," he thought as he pushed his way, quite violently, back through the crowd and up to the counter. 

After waiting in line for about thirty minutes, he finally got to check out and leave that horrible place. Thank God Bulma was rich, he thought. He paid for everything with his credit cards, or rather her credit cards, since he never carried cash. Sometimes he felt guilty living off of her family's money, but then he realized he saved the world five or six times a year and the guilt tended to subside rather quickly. He passed by all the stores and bell-ringers and carollers again on his way out and was just about to leave when he remembered what Bulma had said. 

"Be sure you get the gifts wrapped!" 

"Kuso!" he said to himself. He'd have to stand in line for another hour or more to do that. "This is too much," he thought. "Back in the old days I wouldn't think twice about grabbing what I needed from this place and blowing it sky-high." He sighed. "I must be getting soft. Damn you, Kakarrotto." 

He walked up to the gift-wrapping counter and proceeded to the end of the huge line. As he predicted, it took about an hour to get to the front of it. At one point the woman in front of him began rattling on about her family and he thought he had found the one thing that can kill a Saiya-jin: boredom. Luckily she was gone now and he was at the front of the line. 

"You want somethin' wrapped?" the clerk asked as she chewed some gum. 

"No, I came for a root canal and maybe some angioplasty," Vegeta said. 

"Huh?" the clerk asked. 

"Just wrap these," Vegeta said as he handed his gifts to the clerk. She took his gifts to a room in the back and he waited impatiently at the counter. He tapped his foot and made it a point to look particularly annoyed in case the guy behind him wanted to start up a conversation. Five minutes passed, then ten. Finally the clerk came back with all his gifts wrapped. "Here you go," she said, rather uncheerfully. 

"Hmph," Vegeta smirked as he took the gifts. "I'll just be on my way then." 

"Uh, you do have to pay for those," the clerk said. 

"What?" Vegeta asked. "That's absurd! I already paid for them." 

"No," the clerk said. "You have to pay for the wrapping. Fifteen dollars, please." 

"I thought that was free," Vegeta said. 

"It's only free between the hours of noon and four in the afternoon," she said. "It's twenty minutes after four." 

"That's because you wasted all that time wrapping those gifts!" Vegeta exclaimed. It's not really that the money was that important to him. He knew full well Bulma could afford a piddly fifteen bucks. It was the principle of the thing that mattered so much to him. 

"Whatever," the clerk sighed. "Fifteen dollars." 

"I'm not paying for this," Vegeta said. 

"Don't make me call security," the clerk said. 

"Ha ha ha," Vegeta laughed. He couldn't go anywhere without being threatened. "Do it." 

"Security to gift-wrapping, please," the clerk called out over the speaker. Everyone in line behind Vegeta looked visibly alarmed as Vegeta stood there smirking ready to see what "security" would do to him. 

In a few minutes, an old security guard who appeared to be about sixty-five walked up to the counter. "What's the problem?" he asked the clerk in a grandfatherly voice. 

"This guy won't pay," the clerk said. 

"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to come with me," the security guard said as he put his hand on Vegeta's shoulder. Vegeta promptly grabbed it and twisted it back, careful not to shatter every bone in the guy's hand. 

"Get your hands off me," Vegeta said as the guy slumped to his knees. Vegeta, mercifully and rather uncharacteristically, released the old man's hand and the man jumped back. "No one man-handles Vegeta." 

"V-v-v-vegeta?!" the man stammered. "Oh my!" He turned and ran away. 

"Hmph," Vegeta frowned. "So much for security." 

"Vegeta?" the clerk asked. "Oh no." He picked up the phone and dialed the office as quickly as he could. "Yeah, VEGETA's here! HERE!" he shouted. 

Vegeta watched with amusement as he could hear the voice on the other end of the line shouting. 

"Roger, sir!" the clerk said. "I'll call them, if that's what you really want. Okay." He hung up the phone and, unbeknownst to Vegeta, pushed a small red button under the counter, specially designed for emergencies like this. It wasn't long before they came. 

"What's goin' on, mate?" a familiar voice asked. Vegeta turned around. He was rather astonished to see Artificial Humans #98 and #99. 

"#99?" Vegeta asked the large blonde-haired man. "You're supposed to be dead. And why are you speaking with an Australian accent?" 

"These folks fixed me and me sis up real nice after you an' the kid scrapped us," #99 answered. "And now it's payback time!" 

"And we're going to pay you back in spades!" #98, a beautiful brownette, chimed in. 

"Heh heh heh. You two really want to go with me again?" Vegeta asked. "Don't forget what happened last time." 

"That was last time, mate," #99 said. "We've learned some new moves since then, guaranteed to knock you out!" 

"Is that so?" Vegeta asked. "Then let's get it on!" He tossed the gifts to the side and let out a scream, going Super Saiya-jin and tearing his suit off. He still wore his training clothes underneath for emergencies such as this. His fellow shoppers didn't know what was going on and of course tried to flee. 

"10, 9, 8..." #99 counted. 

"...7, 6, 5..." #98 continued. 

"...4, 3, 2..." #99 picked up. 

"...1 ...0..." #98 finished. They both immediately started destroying shoppers. Some managed to escape, but most were consumed by the blasts #98 and #99 shot out. 

"Ha," Vegeta smirked. "That's pathetic. Can't you handle a real fight?" 

"Let's go, mate!" #99 said. "Me, you... and my sis!" He lunged at Vegeta, who dodged and kicked him in the ribs. He then swung at Vegeta. Vegeta dodged, but a kick from #98 caught him in the back of the head, and he flew across the building. 

"Try this on for size!" Vegeta said as he unleashed fury of blasts. #98 and #99 easily blocked, but the blasts stirred up smoke which allowed Vegeta to sail through the air and kick #99 in the chin, sending him sailing into the air. Vegeta wasted no time in laying into #98 with many quick punches, and threw her into her brother. He then flew into the air above them, put both his hands together, and pounded down onto them like a hammer. They sailed into the concrete below. 

"Heh," Vegeta grinned. "Not good enough after all," he said. "BIG BANG ATT-" He was stopped as #99 flew into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. #98 flew behind him and he couldn't dodge four fists rapidly punching at him. #99 grabbed Vegeta's arm and flung him into the concrete floor. He then flew down and stomped Vegeta as hard as he could. He flew up and prepared to come down for another stomp. Luckily Vegeta was quicker and flew out of the way. He flew down one side of the mall and came to the food court. It was abandoned. After all, there was a match between super-powerful beings going on. Even crazed Christmas shoppers knew when it was good to get out. Vegeta flew behind a nearby column. 

"Hmm..." he thought. "I can't take both of them at once. I'm gonna have to be smart and take them out one at a time. But how?" He peeked around the corner and noticed the two artificial humans heading towards him. 

"KUSOOOO!!!!" Vegeta shouted as he flew out and hit #98 in the gut, grabbing her and pushing her back into a wall. #99 was close behind. He flew after the pair and swung at Vegeta, but failed to connect. Vegeta got out of the way just in time so #99 hit his sister. 

"Sorry, love," #99 said. He didn't know Vegeta was behind him. Vegeta shoved him into his sister and slammed them both into the wall. He then mercilessly began pounding on #99's back. He had #98 helplessly pinned down, and #99 was getting the stuffing beat out of him. Finally, he punched a hole in #99's back. 

"BIG BANG ATTACK!!!" he shouted as he blasted a hole into #99, blowing him to bits. The blast hit #98 as well, and she fell through the wall into a store. #99, on the other hand, was incinerated. 

"Heh," Vegeta grinned. "Stupid artificial humans." 

Just then #98 shot out of the store and began punching Vegeta. She wasn't faster than him, and he could block each punch as fast as she could throw them. 

"You killed my brother, monster!" she screamed. 

"Nothing annoys me so much as a hysterical woman," Vegeta said. "Shut up." 

"Pig!" she said as she kicked Vegeta in the ribs, then punched him in the face. She tried to connect another kick to his face, but he blocked and grabbed her leg, twirling her around in the process, and tossing her into a nearby fountain, shattering it. 

"You're very beautiful," Vegeta said. "But I'm already married, so I think I'll kill you after I beat you." 

"You haven't won yet, you filthy Saiya-jin!" she shouted as she flew at Vegeta, who caught her with an uppercut. He then flew at her at full speed and they began punching at each other while flying down the length of the mall. Vegeta nailed her in the stomach, then chopped her in the back of the head and sent her reeling. She got up in time to avoid his Renzoku Energy Dan, and countered with a blast which he deflected. It hit a nearby lingerie store, leaving a hole in the mall. 

She was more powerful than her brother, Vegeta learned, as continued to spar with her. Finally, he caught her with a quick punch to the face and tossed her into the concrete below. He flew down and beat on her with his fists. She was an artificial human, however, and he knew that if he didn't end the fight soon, she would have the upper hand because of her limitless stamina. 

He backed off and flew back about twenty feet or so, and she got up. 

"Getting tired, Saiya-jin?" she asked. "I never do! So let me ask you... was it as good for you as it was for me?" 

"Heh," Vegeta grinned. "You seem pretty damn confident. But I have something I want to ask you." 

"Yeah?" she asked, puzzled. 

"Can you artificial humans..." he began as fire shot up around him. "Can you feel fear too?" He made the transformation to Super Saiya-jin level 2. "Heh heh heh." 

"BRING IT ON!" she screamed as she flew at Vegeta. Vegeta busted her in the face and was going like a dynamo. He began punching her as quickly as he could, faster than she could avoid. He hit her in the gut a few times, hard, and then tossed her into the wall and began punching her, grinding her into the wall with each Super Saiya-jin punch. When he was sure she was nearly unconscious, he flew back and powered up once again. 

"NOW IT'S OVER, WOMAN!!!" he said as flames shot up around him. "FINAL FLASH!!!" he screamed as he gathered energy in his hands, placed them together, and fired his most powerful attack at her. It hit her dead on, and he knew he saw fear in the artificial human's eyes. It exploded on impact and made a crater in the wall. About a quarter of the mall had been taken out in the blast, and #98 was incinerated by the explosion. 

Breathing a sigh of relief, he powered down, dropped out of Super Saiya-jin mode, and took a deep breath. "I may be getting too old for this," he thought, "But I still love it." He flew to the other side of the mall and picked up his gifts, which luckily hadn't been destroyed, and left the mall, or rather what was left of it. 

* * * * *

Vegeta walked into his house as quietly as possible. Bulma expected him home hours ago, and she probably wasn't in a good mood. He carefully set the presents around the tree and sighed. 

"They'd better appreciate this," he thought. "They probably would if they knew what I went through to get them." 

"Well, if it isn't jolly old Super Saiya-jin Saint Nick," came the familiar voice in the doorway. 

"Hmph," Vegeta smirked. 

"You know, you're several hours late," Bulma remarked. 

"I had a bit of trouble," Vegeta said. "Can you ever forgive me?" he asked with a sarcastic overtone. 

"Maybe," Bulma said. "If you can do me a favor." 

"This is going to be trouble," he thought. "What?" he asked. 

"Well, Chi-Chi called," Bulma explained. "You see, Goku was going to dress up like Santa Claus for the kids at the mall, but he got the flu, and I was wondering if..." 

"NO!" Vegeta said. 

"Please?" Bulma asked. 

"NO!" Vegeta said sternly. "I hate that place. Besides, there's not exactly much mall left now." 

"What happened?" Bulma asked. 

"A little accident," Vegeta said. "Involving me and two over-zealous artificial humans." 

"Honey, what am I going to do with you?" Bulma asked as she shook her head. 

"Heh," Vegeta grinned. "It's supposed to be awfully cold tonight..." 

THE END


End file.
